to the tune of "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria"

She spits her food and rubs it in
Her snot is in her hair
She climbs the playdo table
And likes her butt best bare

And when you try to change her
She goes on a holy tear
I even saw her climbing on the toilet!

She’s always making raspberries
And drooling on her chin
She’s always grabbing Maddox’s toys
And then she rubs it in

I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Chava is a terror in our household

I’d like to say a word on her behalf
Chava makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like our Chavie?
How do you teach a child to have some fear?
How do you try to define our Chavie?
A fatso pudge! a lubby-dub-dub! a dear!

Many a time I think I ought to smack her
Many a time I hug instead and smile
But how do I help her learn
That when she touches the oven she’ll get a burn
How do Al and I live through this short while?

Oh how do you solve a problem like our Chavie?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?